Where are my boobs?
I’ve been a plastic surgeon for 27 years and I have a startling new discovery I wanted to share with the public. After doing some investigative work talking with law enforcement friends and some of the research scientists at the major breast implant companies, it has come to my attention that for many years now breast implants have come to us with a built in GPS transponder. There is actually a web site called wherearemyboobs.com where you can register the implants and track them if you so desire. They tell me a similar app will come on the market later this year so your significant others can track where they’ve been, how much motion they have encountered and how many miles they have gone per day. It will be sort of like snapchat except it will be SnapBoob.
In the interest of fair play, it turns out penile implants have the same tracking device. These also have the same motion and monitoring capabilities. When I found out I was pretty appalled. Talk about invasion of privacy, HIPAA violations and such. But the government and law enforcement have used this numerous times without consent to track individuals or follow suspects from a distance. Apparently the only way to prevent such tracking is to wear some type of shielding garment like copper mesh or copper impregnated clothing. These create a faraday cage around you and prevent you from being “seen”. You can purchase copper clothing at copperclothing.com It also prevents anyone from reading your thoughts. And it is especially helpful to prevent alien abduction. But I digress. My concern is what else is the government monitoring? Where else are there GPS devices hidden?
Finally, and most importantly, none of this true. It’s just another attempt by yours truly to have a little fun. Happy Wednesday everyone!